When I started working as a counselor, I had plenty of education…and no experience. I was eaten alive! The following is an overview of some wisdom I’ve picked up over the years. I am always looking for more ways to make myself better, both personally and professionally, so there will be more to come. But for now, here’s my advice…
Know yourself
Any negative core-beliefs you developed as a child will rear their ugly head when you start working as a counselor. These core-beliefs develop from mistreatment and/or neglect you may have experienced growing up.
One way to get in touch with such beliefs is to ask yourself if you played an “adult role” as a child. Common ones are: The Fixer, The Scapegoat, The Rescuer, The Caretaker, and The Ghost (J.G. Woititz).
If you are still trying to live up to these unreasonable expectations as a counselor, you’ll likely end up empty, exhausted, and on the fast-track to burnout.
Don’t work when you’re not at work
3 basic rules:
- Don’t bring paperwork home with you
- Don’t have contact with clients outside the office unless you’re required to do so (e.g. being on-call)
- Don’t bring your clients home with you…in your head, that is.
Surround yourself with good people
Envision 30 friends who tell you all their problems, relay horrifying stories of trauma and abuse, are perpetually in negative moods, and aren’t concerned about how YOU feel. That’s your caseload. This isn’t negativity, it’s reality (and what you signed up for, after all.)
Counseling requires you to be constantly exposed to negative energy, which can be effectively balanced by positive energy from your friends. So if you have any friends that act like your clients, get rid of them. Now.
Steer clear from the “undiagnosed” (i.e. co-workers)
Yes, we rely on each other for support in the workplace. But limit any support you give co-workers to work-related issues. Do not let them use you as their personal counselor – you aren’t getting paid for it, it’s not your responsibility, and every minute spent counseling them takes away from your work and/or personal time.
Seek Supervision
This is said so much it starts to sound cliché. But even if you live to be 112, you’ll never, ever, ever know everything about counseling. It’s also good to get another perspective on a client from someone not involved.
Try to adopt a “non-judgmental stance”
Avoid looking at your next appointment and saying “Oh God, here comes the crazy Borderline who’ll just complain about her rotten husband she refuses to leave” or “Oh good, this next client is great, she never gives me a problem.”
As accurate as they may be, your judgments can set you up for low frustration-tolerance and disappointment. It can also interfere with your reaction-time and decision-making skills. And that’s just bad.
Practice stress management
Find as many thing as you can to help you relax, let go, and have fun. Don’t rely on just 1 or 2 because there might come a time when they stop working, or when you need more relief than what these few can give you.
Remember counseling is a relationship
Don’t work harder than your clients. It’s not your responsibility to make their lives better, it’s theirs. And don’t be afraid to remind them of that (nicely, of course.)
