Community Colleges…Ahead of Grad Programs in Counselor/SW Training?

Hello All!

Obviously, I haven’t been too active with my posts lately.  This is due to my recent career change from counseling to college teaching.

In September 2008, I became a full-time, tenure-track Instructor in the Social Sciences department at Erie Community College (ECC) in Buffalo, NY.  It has been quite an adjustment for me, hence my absence from the blog.

Something that I have found quite interesting, tho, is how well community colleges (in New York, anyway) train future human service workers.  In my opinion, they do a better job than my graduate program did.

ECC offers Associate Degree programs in Registered Nursing (RN), Human Services, Occupational Therapy, and Addiction Counseling Assistant (which prepares students for the CASAC-T credential for NY state.)  I teach one of the required courses for these degrees called “Human Interaction.”

Altho I have the freedom to teach the course how I wish, I was given a textbook to use for my first semester called Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization by David Johnson.  This book teaches students to become “self-actualized” human beings – in other words, to develop themselves in a way where they are living full, enriching, and satisfying lives.

One of my favorite sayings has always been: “You can’t have a good relationship with others until you have a good relationship with yourself.“ This book supports this philosophy in the sense that if we learn to give ourselves unconditional love and support, our relationships will be much better because we won’t expect others to fulfill our needs.

Throughout each lesson, students are encouraged to examine their attitudes and judgements as they learn how to approach each of the following things in ALL of their relationships – not just the ones with their future clients:

• Appropriate self-disclosure
• Being trusting AND trustworthy
• Expressing thoughts, feelings, and ideas both verbally and non-verbally
• Listening to others
• Responding to other people’s demands, problems, and opinions
• Valuing differences and forming healthy relationships with diverse individuals
• Managing anger and stress both personally and in relationships

Recently, one of my students asked: “Why didn’t we learn this stuff in kindergarten?”

I paused, reflecting, then said “I’d like to know why I didn’t learn this stuff in my graduate program.”

It then occurred to me…ECC was preparing future “helpers” in a much better way than my 6 years of formal education had. In fact, I believe that if I learned some of the things this course teaches, I wouldn’t have experienced the horrific burnout and compassion fatigue brought on by being a counselor.

Instead, I had to learn all these things the hard way – in “survival mode.” And, of course, I am still learning…which is the best thing about being a teacher – you’re also a student!

 

Do You Hate Your Job, but Can’t Quit?

 

Hating Your Job But Unable to Quit:
Survive a toxic work environment…until you can get out of it
by Laurie Berkshire, M.A.

 

 

The realization you work in a “toxic” environment  is stressful enough.  Add to that our shaky economic times, ad it can make things worse.

 

What is a toxic work environment?

Well, it varies from person to person.  Here are some ways I determine if a work environment is toxic:

 

• Rules, protocols and job descriptions are not clearly defined, or frequently change. 

When this happens, you’re always trying to adjust, re-adjust, guess, and predict the future, keeping you in a constant state of confusion and doubt. 

More importantly, it also interferes with your ability to problem-solve, which is a cornerstone of mental health.  Knowing how to solve problems gives us a sense of mastery in our environment.  However, not knowing the situational boundaries in which you can find solutions for a problem can impair this.  Thus, it’s difficult to feel calm and balanced when you feel like you have no control over what might happen.

 

 

• Your workplace interferes with your ability to meet basic human needs

As a human being, you have needs that must be met before you can do anything else.  According to Maslow (1943)¹, these include:

- Breathing
- Drinking
- Eating
- Excretion
- Sex
- Personal security from crime
- Financial security
- Health and well-being
- Safety net against accidents/illness and the adverse impacts
Source [1]

So if a workplace prevents or impedes your ability to meet these needs, you’re likely going to struggle with fatigue and ill-health, as well as feeling of agitation, anxiety, anger, and helplessness.

•  Frequent employee turnover

I worked for 2 years in a place that was always short one staff member.  They’d hire someone, then a couple weeks later someone else would quit.  And worse, it took a long time to hire people because what the company offered it’s employees (i.e. salary, benefits, work-hours, etc) was so lacking that no one was interested in the job. 

Situations like this are almost-always a sign (no, a billboard) that you’re working in a toxic environment.

• Passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive leadership

* Having a “passive” boss who lets everyone do anything they want can have some advantages, but they’re outweighed by the chaos that ensues when there’s no managed control over the workplace.

* The problems associated with an “aggressive” boss are self-explanatory.  Being bullied is never good.

* A “passive-aggressive boss” is likely the worse because it’s the mix of both.  You have the face-value impression that everything is ok, but behind your back the boss is bad-mouthing or sabotaging you – and you have no clue until it smacks you in the face (i.e. being fired, a written warning, a demotion, etc.)

So what do you do? 

Well, when people are in abusive relationships, there’s only one remedy to make things better….get out!  Working in a toxic workplace is a similar situation.  But when money’s tight and jobs are scarce, that’s not always an option.  So here are ways to survive until you can make your escape:

• Look for the “good”

 

When you work in a toxic environment, the bad stuff it so evident you can’t avoid noticing it.  In addition, our brains are hard-wired to look for “threats,” which is what’s kept the species alive.  After all, if our early ancestors took the time to admire a sunset when a lion lurking nearby, none of us would be here, surfing the internet.

So with a brain constantly scanning for bad things, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong.  You can short-wire this, though, by making an effort to look for good things throughout the day.  This doesn’t mean you should ignore the bad stuff, because it’s good to maintain awareness of it and how it’s affecting you.

However, constantly  thinking about the bad will create “internal stress” (in the brain and body), which only adds to the external stress in the environment.  So, if you can take time to notice what’s good in the workplace, it’ll help balance this out. 

Now, you might be thinking that there’s nothing good about where you work, but in life there are very few absolutes.  There’s got to be something good at the place, no matter how small. 

Some “good-things” examples from my own experiences in toxic workplaces are: the nice smell of the soap in the bathroom, a beautiful tree outside the building, having a window in my office, a co-worker with a good sense of humor, and the fact no one noticed when I was 5-10 minutes late (thanks Passive Boss!). 

• Avoid “gripe sessions”

When you work in a toxic environment, there’s no shortage of gripe sessions among co-workers.  Sure, venting and sharing misery is good for you…to a point.  Eventually, this type of negative energy will impact your mood and attitude.  So if you’re involved in a gripe session and start to feel “down,” quietly remove yourself because you’ve gone past the point where it’s helping relieve the stress, and is now just adding more stress.

• Try to adopt a “non-judgemental stance”

Marsha Linehan (1993)² , the founder of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), adopted the idea that non-judgemental thinking can assist with mental health.

True, we need to make judgements in order to survive. Our brain is trained to make them (see sunset-lion example above.) .  However, we often make them about things that are not true threats.

Thus, viewing something non-threatening from a “fact” perspective instead of an “opinion” can help calm your negative emotions.  For example:

Opinion: This job sucks (which is perceived as nothing but negative energy in the brain.)

Fact: This job is not the greatest, but it’s better than no job.  Even though I don’t make good money, unemployment benefits would be even less.  Since I can’t quit right now, it’s better than nothing. 

This type of fact-viewing can help calm you by balancing both negative and positive energies in the brain…and balance is yet another cornerstone of mental health.

For more info and exercises for non-judgemental stance, visit: dbtselfhelp.com 

Source [2]

• Take as much control as you possibly can

* Use your “delay-button” and watch what you say when you’re at work.  Count to 10, bite your tongue, sit on your hands…do whatever you have to do to keep your opinions, anger and negative comments to yourself.  In a toxic workplace, seemingly-benign statements can come back to bite you.  But also, find someone on “the outside” to vent to, even if you have to pay for it (i.e. counseling.)

* Always keep your eye out for new jobs while also keeping in mind that this is often a long process in a weak economy.  In other words, if you look at the want-ads with the I’ll-never-find-anything attitude, you’re again adding to your own inner-stress.  Instead, remind yourself that you’re at least trying to do something to change your situation. 

* Only accept responsibility for your feelings and needs.  The only think you owe a company, your boss, and your co-workers is adequate job performance.  If you’re not required to work overtime or do extra work (i.e. you won’t get fired,) then don’t do it.  You are not responsible for making sure other people’s work gets done.  It’s not your problem if people quit, call-in sick, or slack-off.  That’s a responsibility for bosses, which is why they make the big bucks.

* Upgrade your skills, or develop new ones.  You might be having a hard time finding another job because you’ve been at this one for so long, your skills are a bit outdated.  For example, you might be a great forklift driver, but you haven’t learned how to use the more specialized machines in the shop.  Or, just because you have a bachelor’s degree in social work doesn’t mean you can’t follow your dream to be a computer programmer.  Take a class, ask for more training, or even go back to school.  This will help you see a “future” instead of feeling stuck in your present -misery.

Advice on advice

Advice is best-taken buffet-style because you don’t usually eat every single food available. In other words, everything listed here won’t work for everyone, but you won’t know until you try it.  Also, if you’ve tried it before and it didn’t work, then it’s probably not worth trying again.  And most importantly, if you try everything all at the same time, you’ll feel bloated. 

Remember…
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…” (Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher, 604 BC – 531 BC)

Sources:

[1]Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – Wikipedia
[2]Behavioral Tech, LLC

 

 

 

 

Things Clients Say That Can Make Me Cringe (and how I respond)

After reading the title, your first guess might be “suicide” or “homicide,” but I don’t really mind that (anymore.)  I know what to do with that – a lethality assessment and/or send them to the hospital (then do a bunch of paperwork to prove I did my job.)

Instead, I’ve learned (the hard way, of course) that it’s the subtle and seemingly-benign things that I should attend to because if I don’t, it has the potential to come back like a Raid-immune cockroach, who always brings his equally-nasty friends back with him. 

Translation: burnout.

That said, here’s my Top 3 List of ”red flags”:

1) “You’re the best counselor I’ve ever had.”

Now, we were taught in counseling school about this, but a lot of times clients don’t actually say it in these words – or say it with words at all.  Some variations I’ve experienced are:

- ”Now I understand.  My last counselor said the same thing, but you explain it better.”

- A client walks in, looks at his/her watch and says: “Wow, I’m on time. I was always late with my last counselor.”

- “No one has ever understood me like you do.”

Is this pathology or “games” on the client’s part? Absolutely not (although it can seem like it sometimes.)  Is the client lying? Probably not.  Why they say or do it doesn’t truly matter, but the way you attend to it does.

When clients hold us up on that proverbial pedestal, making us higher than everybody else in their lives, there’s potential problems brewing for both us and the client.  The danger isn’t really falling off the pedestal (because that’s bound to happen the first time we don’t return a phone call within 10 minutes.)  Instead, it’s a possible sign that the client is starting to depend on us like a life raft…and we’re going to end up drowning if they ride on us for too long. 

It’s our job to teach our clients to save themselves, which involves letting them float on our raft for a little while, but also to prepare them for when they fall off.  A good technique I’ve found is to take inventory of the healthy coping skills they use, suggest more if needed, and remind them to use them.

Also, when clients hold us up higher than everybody else, they’re also holding us up higher than themselves.  Deep down, they’re thinking that we are the ones that healed them, and they had nothing to do with it.  A client that thinks like this isn’t going to get better.  A few responses I’ve found to address this is:

- “I certainly appreciate the feedback, but remember you’re the one that’s done all the work here, I’ve just given you the tools.”

- “The fact you’re coming to your appts. on time now must mean you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to get better.”

2) “I’m fine.” “I’m okay”. “It’s all good.”

And maybe they are.  But if this is their response a week after they were hospitalized or spent an entire session sobbing, you better probe around here.  I like to ask:

- ”Tell me some of the good things happening in your life right now?”

- “Sounds like you’ve made some positive changes.  Tell me about them.”

- “Sounds like you’ve been taking care of yourself.  What have you been doing?” 

We all know we ultimately can’t be held responsible for what our clients do.  But if we take “I’m fine” at face value, we might end up in court explaining why our client did something bad 6 hours after our session.  But you’re covered if you can write in your notes: “Client states she’s doing ‘fine,’ taking her meds, sleeping well, and going to A.A. 3x per wk on 2nd street.”

At the same time, it’s good for your clients when you probe around the I’m-fines.  Many clients have been  well-trained since childhood to be “good little boys & girls,” hide their feelings, not burden others with their problems, and/or believe no one really cares so why saying anything.  Let them know you’re happy when they’re doing well, and you’re happy when they’re not doing well but willing to talk about it.

3) “What should I do about…”

Yikes! Advice-giving.  Yep, we were all warned about this in counseling school, but I see counselors (myself included) doing it all the time.  It’s hard not to, especially when you see the same client go off the rails several times in various ways.

But again, giving advice fosters the same type of dependence mentioned in #1, as well as reinforcing their core belief that they aren’t capable of doing anything themselves.  Here’s one way I’ve found to handle this:

- Start with some variation of: “I can’t tell you what to do because I’m not you.” Then, depending on how that goes, you can try one or more of the following:

- “What has worked in the past when you’ve been in this type of situation?”

- “I know you can do <list their strengths>.” Then help them figure out how to use those strengths to solve the problem. 

- Get pen and paper and say “Ok, let’s brainstorm.  Give me some possible solutions, no matter how far-fetched you think they are, and let’s see if we can come up with something.”

- And what if you still get the I-don’t-knows or the I-cants? Then remind them, using whatever language fits the situation, that this is their problem, not yours…and you’re not going to do all the work to fix it.

Of course, these are just suggestions based on my own experiences.  Most of the time they work.  Sometimes they don’t.  But I actually kind of like when they don’t, because then I get the opportunity to find more things that might work. 

So if you’ve found something useful during your interaction with clients, feel free to add it in the comments section.  We’d all be eternally grateful :)

 

Counselor Survival Tips: an overview

When I started working as a counselor, I had plenty of education…and no experience. I was eaten alive! The following is an overview of some wisdom I’ve picked up over the years. I am always looking for more ways to make myself better, both personally and professionally, so there will be more to come. But for now, here’s my advice…

Know yourself

Any negative core-beliefs you developed as a child will rear their ugly head when you start working as a counselor. These core-beliefs develop from mistreatment and/or neglect you may have experienced growing up.

One way to get in touch with such beliefs is to ask yourself if you played an “adult role” as a child. Common ones are: The Fixer, The Scapegoat, The Rescuer, The Caretaker, and The Ghost (J.G. Woititz).

If you are still trying to live up to these unreasonable expectations as a counselor, you’ll likely end up empty, exhausted, and on the fast-track to burnout.

Don’t work when you’re not at work

3 basic rules:

- Don’t bring paperwork home with you

- Don’t have contact with clients outside the office unless you’re required to do so (e.g. being on-call)

- Don’t bring your clients home with you…in your head, that is.

Surround yourself with good people

Envision 30 friends who tell you all their problems, relay horrifying stories of trauma and abuse, are perpetually in negative moods, and aren’t concerned about how YOU feel. That’s your caseload. This isn’t negativity, it’s reality (and what you signed up for, after all.)

Counseling requires you to be constantly exposed to negative energy, which can be effectively balanced by positive energy from your friends. So if you have any friends that act like your clients, get rid of them. Now.

Steer clear from the “undiagnosed” (i.e. co-workers)

Yes, we rely on each other for support in the workplace. But limit any support you give co-workers to work-related issues. Do not let them use you as their personal counselor – you aren’t getting paid for it, it’s not your responsibility, and every minute spent counseling them takes away from your work and/or personal time.

Seek Supervision

This is said so much it starts to sound cliché. But even if you live to be 112, you’ll never, ever, ever know everything about counseling. It’s also good to get another perspective on a client from someone not involved.

Try to adopt a “non-judgmental stance”

Avoid looking at your next appointment and saying “Oh God, here comes the crazy Borderline who’ll just complain about her rotten husband she refuses to leave” or “Oh good, this next client is great, she never gives me a problem.”

As accurate as they may be, your judgments can set you up for low frustration-tolerance and disappointment. It can also interfere with your reaction-time and decision-making skills. And that’s just bad.

Practice stress management

Find as many thing as you can to help you relax, let go, and have fun. Don’t rely on just 1 or 2 because there might come a time when they stop working, or when you need more relief than what these few can give you.

Remember counseling is a relationship

Don’t work harder than your clients. It’s not your responsibility to make their lives better, it’s theirs. And don’t be afraid to remind them of that (nicely, of course.)